My angel

Joshua
My little gangster

My Very Own Song

I met my husband just before my 19th birthday. We pretty much moved in with each other 2 weeks later. He made up this song for me and whenever I think of it it makes me smile.

I adore-el Laurel
There's never been a name quite so floral
Except maybe Rose or Begonia
But I'd rather have my Laurel than pneumonia

Did I mention he used to do stand up comedy?

I Was Always Waiting

From the time I was 12 I knew that one day I would be diagnosed with breast cancer. You see this was when I lost my favorite aunt, Elyse to the disease. My aunt was everything I wanted to be. She was smart funny beautiful and only 27 years old. She was my mothers younger sister and had a two year old son at the time. This was 26 years ago. I remember her being sick and seeing her radiation burns..they looked like tire tracks on the top of her chest. She had had a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation but two years after diagnosis it had metastisized to her brain. My mother also has a twin sister who has 3 daughters. I always said I would be the one to get cancer. It was never really a fear...more of an observation.

I found my first lump in 1984 when I was 18 years old. The doctor was unable to get anything from a needle biopsy because of where it was located, directly behind my nipple. So off I went for a lumpectomy to find it was only a cyst. This started the cycle of lumpectomy after lumpectomy. By 1995 I had had 5 lumpectomies. Three determined cysts, the last two were called benign tumors. All of them were in the same spot. I'm thinking now, the time is coming. My husband would joke.."they should just put a zipper in next time". After the last surgery my incision would not heal. As soon as the skin would fuse together an infection would start and break the incision open again. After operating again and MRIs my doctor was stumped as to why it would not heal. This lasted for two years. I spent these two years continually packing the wound and wearing gauze on my breast. In April of 1997 I became pregnant. I don't know if it was the shift in my hormones or what but the infection just went away. In January of 1998 I had my beautiful boy and was able to breast feed but only with one breast..the healthy one.

In September of 2002 that same old lump was back. I called to make an appointment with my gynecologist. He was out of town, but I could see another doctor. So I made the appointment. The doctor I saw, Dr. Morse was very young and a new doctor. She examined my breasts and said she couldn't feel anything. I kept saying its there, I feel it. Obviously a little perturbed that I was questioning her abilities..she said "well I guess you know your body then, I'll send you for a mammogram". I went for my mammogram a week later. And guess what? I really didn't know my body that well at all..or maybe I was just so concerned with my same old lump that I completely neglected to check out any other part of my breast. The mammogram showed the same old lump as well as another one on the same breast higher up closer to my collarbone. When the technician showed me where I felt it. My God it was right at the skin surface you could slightly see it when looking in the mirror. How could I have missed that??? Dr. Morse gave me a full breast exam..how could she have missed that???

I was then referred to a surgeon, Dr. Tsushima. I liked him immediately..but gosh he was just a boy. Okay he is 35 (I had to ask him-he looks about 20). Now I am feeling terribly old. He tries to aspirate both lumps to no avail. He schedules me for surgery on or around October 11th. He decides to remove both lumps entirely. He also tells me that it is highly unlikely that it is cancer. I have already shown a history of being cystic.

On October 17th I call his office to see if the results are in. The nurse says "oh yes they are hang on a second" She gets back on the line and says "Oh Laurel, they aren't in yet, but they will be tomorrow why don't you just come in at 2:00pm and meet with Dr. T. Bullshit!!!! I say okay thanks and call my husband. Brandon tells me to call my primary and demand the results they are there!!! I tell him okay and hang up. Here is where my fabulous dealing skills become known to me. After a few minutes of sitting at my desk, I call my husband back and tell him.."look we will go see Dr. T tomorrow let me not have cancer for one more day"....and I didn't..for one more day....

The Best Riddle

What is greater than God?
More evil than Satan?
Rich people want it.
Poor people have it.
And if you eat it you will die.


Nothing

100 things about me I could think of at the carwash

1. I was dx'd with breast cancer at 36 years of age
2. It changed my life...for the better
3. I have been married almost 18yrs to my sexy husband Brandon whom I met at the age of 18 years old in a seedy motel in Hollywood
4. I was at the time a heavy metal chick
5. We have a beautiful 6 year old son Joshua who has a death grip on my heart and amazes and delights me everyday
6. My mom is my best friend
7. My dad is also a cancer survivor and my role model in how to deal with this disease
8. I love to party!
9. I used to be very introverted
10. I am now very opinionated
11. I have a pug named Samantha, while going through chemo she was going through arsenic treatment for heartworm..we are both survivors
12. My only sibling is my younger brother, David and I love him dearly
13. I used to golf..but I wasn't very good at distance..short game was good
14. I do crossword puzzles
15. I love to dress sexy
16. I love to flirt
17. I am an awesome pool player..or maybe I just love it so much I think I am
18. I love to soak in a hot bubble bath
19. with candles lit around the tub
20. I want to "do" my plastic surgeon and my DH says he'd give me a pass
21. I love shoes!!!!
22. I want to sky dive
23. I manage a highrise building in Downtown Los Angeles
24. I start things and rarely finish them
25. I constantly lose my keys
26. I should wear my glasses more
27. I love having bbq's at my house with friends and family
28. I used to be a groupie...translation: Rainbow slut
29. I hung out with Jimmy Page one evening
30. I was friends with Izzy Stradlin from Guns N Roses..Axl and I did not get along
31. I lived in Las Vegas for three years but had to move home-I love to gamble
32. I went to cosmetology school...so did my husband
33. Both my husband and son are actors
34. I hate the spotlight
35. I was a bitch at my own wedding because I didn't like being the center of attention
36. I get really loud when I drink
37. I worry about my parents getting old
38. Family is always family..regardless of what they may say or do
39. I shy away from confrontation
40. I've never been in a fist fight
41. I am taking karate
42. I was raised Jewish
43. My husband converted to Judaism prior to our marriage
44. I no longer believe in organized religion of any kind
45. I do believe in "do unto others..." yada, yada
46. and karma
47. and love and respect
48. I look awful in red lipstick
49. The hair on my legs is so coarse it has shredded bedding
50. I love mexican food and sushi
51. I try not to eat carbs
52. I get car sick unless I am driving
53. I can be at total control freak
54. I hate to clean
55. For this reason, people may not just drop by my house
56. I am BRCA2+ and have had bilateral mastectomies
57. I have just started reconstruction to get my boobs to match
58. San Francisco is my favorite city
59. I want to go on a Mediterrenean Cruise
60. I am an exhibitionist
61. I cry at beautiful things
62. I cry more for happy than sad
63. When I had my son, I pushed for 4 hours breaking every blood vessel in my face and eyes
64. I cannot have more children...this is not a bad thing
65. I cannot argue if I am upset..I lose my train of thought
66. I can put bad things out of my mind easily..I don't dwell or worry
67. I love all aspects of sex and think of it as a sport
68. I have one tattoo on the small of my back
69. I intend on getting more
70. I have my who-hah pierced
71. I have had my nose and belly button pierced
72. My husband has his who-hah pierced
73. My dad is afraid we'll get stuck together and call him for a ride to the ER
74. I am afraid I am addicted to plastic surgery
75. ...or is it just my plastic surgeon?
76. I want to do mosaics
77. I am a proficient chess player
78. I used to read alot but I no longer possess the concentration
79. I want to learn how to play guitar
80. I love bananas and sour cream
81. My husband and I belong to a private couples club
82. I sometimes bartend there
83. People assume I am bisexual..I'm not..I'm bi-tolerant
84. I want a Harley
85. I like to collect original art by up and coming artists
86. I have had my hair every color
87. I have thrown up on rides twice in an amusement park
88. I am sooo into the discovery health channel
89. My husband, son and I share our favorite band..the Barenaked Ladies
90. I miss smoking cigarettes everyday
91. I hate to exercize
92. Basically I am a very lazy individual
93. I love doing things spur of the moment
94. I don't like to be snuck up on..I scream
95. I dream of winning the lottery
96. I will talk about anything in front of anyone..nothing is taboo
97. I do not judge-ever
98. I spend way too much time on the computer...drives my DH and son crazy
99. I have the most incredible, beautiful, strong, supportive, brave women in my life...MY SISTAHS!
100. I did not think I could come up with 100 thoughts about me

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